Woman wear makeup, men wear suits.

I was talking to my mother this evening about coming out, and how it's hard for some people... And it hit me just how far behind, yet almost just yesterday that I told my parents of my homosexuality. My mom is getting used to it now, she just has an issue with my use of makeup. I try to explain to her that gender can be played with. There are no real rules in this world saying that woman must wear dresses, and makeup, and men must wear suits, and have short hair. I'm afraid my parents will never understand, but that's okay, because I know that I understand myself... For the most part. I've been fascinated with makeup since I can remember, and whether it's "normal" or not I'm going to continue doing so. My parents always try to tell me that people think I look like a freak, but what they don't understand is that I don't care what people say or think about me. I get compliments all the time on how I look, from all different ages, races, and genders. I feel bad for people who fear difference. As long as you are following your heart, and you're not hurting anyone, do whatever you want. In other news, I know it's been a while since I posted... Again. I'm still working on my writing, and looking for a job. Although, I know I should just suck it up and go back to school. Decisions are so hard for me to make.

I'm inspired.

I've returned, yet again! I'm really bad at keeping up with this, but I'm going to try again. Embarrassing story: I forgot my password... So I had to reset it (for the third time). I'm going to try to post once a week, or more. The topics will include poetry, makeup, randomness, and my day to day experiences. I've recently been really inspired! I need a major change in my life, I'm growing bored with the ordinary. I want to move to New York city so badly! I'm going to try to work for a year, saving every cent, then just moving there for a fresh start. I need to start working harder on publication! I would love to sell my words.

Counting sheep, but I lost count.

I'm restless again, and thinking again.
I wish I could mute this mind of mine.
Thoughts thrash violently, endlessly.
My eyes twitch, and scream for sleep.
Denied. Denial, I am okay... I am.

I fall back against my will into memory.
Mesmerized and terrified, I was always wrong.
I was always confused, and searching.
I found myself drowning in my own dreams.
I am far better awake, I'm safer awake.

Dreams promise no peace, no rest.
I wake up exhausted, I'm always running
away from demons trying to drag me
back beneath my comfort zone.
I'm always uncomfortable when I'm alone.

Perhaps I can find a pill to mute this mind,
a capsule to prevent my self destruction.
I suppose destruction is more promising
than wondering what it is I'm becoming.
I'm growing sad, even beneath the sunlight.