Numb: Pour me another one.

I've been drinking a lot more than usual these days, my friends, and my parents think I have a problem. I know I do. I find it comforting to be numb once in a while, or all the time. I have a hard time leaving the past behind, I feel as though I'd be abandoning everything I know. I suppose that wouldn't be a bad thing, but I'm scared that I'll repeat the same things again. I dislike who I'm becoming, and what I've been feeling. I hide beneath so many layers, I play pretend constantly. I tell myself that soon things will work out, and that soon I'll feel better... Doubt clouds my mind constantly. This whole year has been really hard on me, plus the previous year was rather destructive. I feel like people, especially my parents like to throw my past into my face, it stings worse each time. I think the worse part of all is that I have no desire to change, the path to destruction is lined in bottles. I'll follow until I can go no further. Hopefully somewhere between now, and then I'll find peace in all that drags me below the surface. I'd love to stand tall, inhale, and know that everythign is alright. I want to feel alright.